i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
