Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
