I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
