This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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