U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize