I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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