is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
