why didn't you poke me back
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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