I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
