she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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