You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize