So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize