I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize