last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
