so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
