I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
