Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
