just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
