I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
