New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
