if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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