My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
