apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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