good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
