therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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