New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize