the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
