Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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