i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
