my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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