Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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