booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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