Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
