Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
