The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize