so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
