the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
