i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
