You're my little dorito
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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