Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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