He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
