Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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