I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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