okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
