I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
