The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
