i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
