im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
