I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We have so much sex to catch up on
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
