Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
