I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
