i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My ass is underappreciated
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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