Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
