a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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