Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
