Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize