ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
