dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize