I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I had to cum in my sink.
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