Your tits are I can't wait for
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
