I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
