i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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