i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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