yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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