physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
