God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
