I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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