He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
