Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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