i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
