I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
