last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
