Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i believe in u and ur pee
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