Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
