Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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