And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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