Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
