this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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