hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
