Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
