um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
