If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
