filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize