How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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