end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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