Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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