Please, let me fuck your mom
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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