I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
