I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
