Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
