I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
