How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
