Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
